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one cookie

Well, I did it. I baked chocolate chip cookies and ate only one. I didn’t even lick my fingers! I know, crazy! 

Today is the real test, though. I’ll be baking FOUR DIFFERENT KINDS of cookies to bring to Thanksgiving. Gulp. We’re traveling a few hours away this year, and I am a little bit nervous about the food. I feel in control right now. I plan my food out in advance–what I’ll eat for my meals and snacks–and then I just eat that. I don’t even think about it. For now, I can’t stop and consider what I might feel like eating at any given moment. I’m eating to get better and be well, and that’s all. 

I also joined the Y yesterday. Exercise is happening.

Two weeks into this journey, I realize how desperately I want to see some kind of positive change — my pants feeling looser, someone asking me, “hey, have you lost weight?” — something. I struggle with this desire for instant gratification. Like, hey, I haven’t touched the halloween candy for FOURTEEN DAYS! Surely I should have something to show for it? 

I have to take a longer view. It took me a long time to get this unhealthy, and it will take a long time to get healthy again. Period. I need to keep making a plan and sticking to it…one day at a time.

the numbers

I got my bloodwork back, and it’s not pretty. 

Go ahead and add pre-diabetes to my list of ailments.

As discouraging as it is to realize that I’m overweight with high blood pressure and high blood glucose, I actually feel somewhat optimistic. I know where I stand, and, let’s face it, it could be worse. It can always be worse.

For now, I’ve stopped eating simple carbohydrates and sugar. (OH, THE PAIN!!) I’m keeping my meals and snacks balanced with protein, fat, and complex carbs. And–dare I say–I feel somewhat better. 

I guess it’s good to know why I’ve been feeling like crap for the past year.

At every meal or snack, when I pull out the salad and the chicken breasts and the black beans–or whatever–I remind myself that food is medicine. I am saving my own life by making good food choices. 

Last night, I swapped out the tacos for a taco salad. This morning, I made my yummy apple pie oatmeal and had a small serving, with a hard boiled egg on the side. Earlier this week, I served baked sweet potatoes with the roasted chicken instead of white potatoes. Small changes, for sure, but they’re adding up and–hopefully–making a difference.

I am embarrassed and ashamed of the pre-diabetes diagnosis, even though I know that much of America is in the same boat, whether they know it or not. It feels like it’s my own fault that I’ve got these health issues, and in some ways, I guess, it is. Bad choices + crappy genetics = ME.

Today, it all feels overwhelming. I’m asking myself, honestly, can I bake chocolate chip cookies without eating any? Or, even harder, just eating one? I don’t know the answer. I know that I can’t even think about Thanksgiving next week and all the food. I need to focus on today. Right now. I will have an apple with peanut butter for a snack in a few hours, and a salad for lunch with yogurt on the side. Tonight, beef stew. I can stick with this plan for today. I can go for a walk after lunch.

Today, I will stick to my plan. And that’s any of us can really do, right? Just keep making the next good choice. 

 

making progress

I’m still playing around with this blog, trying to find the best format. Now seems like a good time to do it, since I have, like, three readers. 

I got on the scale this morning, and…wait for it…I lost FIVE POUNDS! Now, I know that’s a lot of water weight, etc, but still. Five pounds.

*happy dance*

Here’s my plan for right now, and I’m sticking with it because it’s working. 

* I’ve cut back from six cups of coffee a day to two.

• I’ve stopped drinking any soda – diet or regular.

• No alcohol unless it’s a special occasion. (And, yes, sometimes Saturdays are a special occasion.)

• I’ve stopped eating even a bite off the kids’ plates. 

• I’m eating a fruit and/or vegetable with every meal and snack.

• I eat until I’m satisfied, not stuffed.

• No snacking after dinner unless I’m truly hungry. I have a cup of herbal tea in the evening, and–if I’m starving–an apple or banana. 

That’s it. No magic, no gimmicks, no complicated rules to follow, and no counting anything. Today, it’s working, and I’m sticking with it!

hard moments

Well, I managed to make it through family movie night without touching the candy. How is it my children can lug a massive pillowcase full of deliciousness down to the basement and set it next to them and eat, like, two pieces?

Truly it’s a miracle, all things considered.

But I didn’t touch it. I wanted it, but I reminded myself of how awful I’ve been feeling–headaches and sluggish–and I knew the chocolate would just make it all worse.

And can you believe, I woke up on Sunday morning feeling a whole lot better? My headache is finally gone.

We went to Portillos last night for dinner and I ate a salad. That’s it. I didn’t consume a single french fry. I knew if I ate one, I would want them all, so I just didn’t eat it.

That is a victory.

My youngest is home sick, and was up and down all night, so I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck, but I’m determined to not use that for an excuse to eat junk. I’m sticking with the plan, enjoying a hot cup of tea, and staying focused on what I need to do.

Like a boss.

feeling motivated

I wish I could capture this feeling in a bottle and take a swig the next time I feel like giving up on my quest to be healthy.

I slept in a little today–well, until 7 a.m.–and took my shower and headed straight to the lab for my bloodwork, since I had to fast. I don’t mind not eating for a few hours, but functioning without coffee is a challenge.

I got it done, and afterwards, drove to 7-11 to grab a cup of coffee. My head was already throbbing from the lack of caffeine, and I felt queasy, so I grabbed a banana to eat in the car. (Did you KNOW 7-11 even sold bananas?)

I’m saving the best part for last. I got on the scale this morning, and i’m down 3 pounds. I know it’s just water and such, but it’s very motivating to be moving in the right direction. 

 

 

Day 1 – take 2

This is the story of my life–day one, take 2. I am forever making plans and then giving up, only to make a plan again.

Well, no more.

I’m for real this time.

I saw the cardiologist on Wednesday, and she scared me. My blood pressure is high. I tried to explain it away because, you know, I’m not a big fan of doctors, but it’s there. I took it yesterday at Meier just to double check, and the numbers were still too high. Hypertension 1.

Yikes.

I’ve had a headache for the past two days and I’ve convinced myself it’s from the high blood pressure, but I suspect it’s caffeine withdrawal. I’m trying to cut back a little on account of the high blood pressure.

It’s all a mess.

I have an appointment for a stress test in three weeks, and called my primary doctor today to schedule a physical. I scheduled a mammogram, too, just to prove to myself that I’m really doing this taking care of myself thing.

Yesterday, it was easy to stick with a normal eating plan. A handful of nuts and greek yogurt for lunch. There is a big bowl of halloween candy sitting on the coffee table, but you know what? It looks gross to me. I seriously don’t want it.

What I want is to feel good and be healthy. What I want is to be here for my children for a long, long time.

Day 1

I seriously need to lose weight. I stepped on the scale this morning, and weigh as much today as I did three days after my youngest child was born.

He’s seven now.

it’s not that I haven’t tried to lose weight. I have. I’ve tried eating clean, weight watchers, giving up sugar, giving up processed food, counting calories. Nothing has worked…at least not for long.

Basically, at some point in every diet I go on, I start shoving food in my mouth. Too much of it.

Just writing this post makes me feel like hunting for Halloween snickers bars because, HELLO, if I don’t say anything, nobody will notice that I need to lose at least thirty pounds.

Ahem.

I see a cardiologist on Wednesday. Chest pains landed me that appointment fast, and when I mentioned that my mother had her first heart attack in her forties, well, let’s just say their calendar opened up. In the midst of what I thought was a heart attack, I prayed and told baby Jesus that I would never eat butter again…or snickers…if I could just have another chance at taking care of my body. I swear, I’ll do it this time.

I have to.

I’ve got three boys and a busy household and way too many excuses. But I’m starting today, now, with my new diet program.

Just stop eating so damn much.

Join me?